Love to play petanque, marbles, or Bingo? Join our association!

There are more than 32,000 associations in France. Every city, town, or villages has if not hundreds, maybe dozens, or at least a few. Every liked, disliked, objectionable, or unobjectionable activity involving beings, animals, or objects has one in favor of or against said activity, animal, or object. Hardly any reported item on the evening news goes without comment from the "President of the Association for/against (fill in the blank).

Say a kid gets bitten by a dog that was running around loose in the street. After the video of the kid being taken away by an ambulance, of the sound bite by the distressed mother, cue the "Président de l'Association contre les chiens sans laisse" (President of the Association against dogs without a leash), who gives us a 15 minute speech on the menace that unleashed pooches represent for the health and well-being of the French.

(I say 15 minutes because here you ask a "yes or no" question and you get at least a 5 minute answer. "Yes or No" answers are beyond the cultural and psychological possibilities of the French.)

My wife is no stranger to this association scheme: when I arrived here, she was president of the association put together to get the city to pave the street we live on. Of course, the neighbors had to pay for the paving, but the association was tax free (Thank you, Monsieur Le Maire (Mayor). The people do the work for you and you are gracious enough not to tax them for it.)

Anyway, I bring the "association" issue up because, unbeknown to me, my wife signed up to help out in the booth that the "Amis de Malandain Ballet Biarritz", an association to which WE belong, is going to put up in the forthcoming "Forum des Associations". This is an annual event in which all (or most all) of the associations in Biarritz gather in one place, set up a booth, and try to convince visitors to join their association. Or, if you have a hankering to meet people who love square dancing, this is the place to go find a group that loves to dress up like yokels and hoe-dee-hoe.

You may be asking yourself why I belong to an association having to do with ballet; and you have probably figured out that being a member of such a group, I am not the most "active" member of the Friends of the Malandain Ballet Biarritz. Well, the answer is that my wife loves the ballet and she is a very generous person so (sigh) there you are. For this Forum thing, she not only signed up to help, she signed up to help at the end of the Forum when things have to be packed up and stowed away. My participation in said activity will consist of sitting at a near-by cafe to watch a football match and have a beer, after which I will do my bit by driving my wife home.

In preparation for that upcoming jewel of a day, my wife had me print for her a PDF with the distribution of the booths and layout of the hall where the Forum will be held.

"What do you want that for?" I asked.

"Well," she replied, "I want to know where OUR booth will be."

She also had me print out the list of associations that will be participating in the shindig.

"And what is this for?" I asked giving her the long list of associations.

"Well, I want to see if there are any associations that might be of interest to us."

"That'll be the day," I retorted. "If anything, I will join an association that is for people who don't want to join associations. We will have no meetings, events, or activities, and we will convene individually in each of our separate homes."

A quick perusal of the association list told me that there are 144 associations in this city of just 25,000 people. If an average of 100 people belong to each association (not an unreasonable average if you look at the membership column), that means that more than half the population of the city belongs to at least one association and many people belong to two or more! No wonder nothing ever gets done around here: people are too busy going to association meetings and events.

The list is divided into sections: Culture, Sport, Social, and so on. The most numerous is "Culture" but I wonder how some of these associations sneaked in there. There is the "Expression Santé", whatever that is, and also something called "Harmonia" and another named "Kalage". The first sounds like a strange musical instrument and the later like one of those fish found in the dark depths of the ocean. (Imaginary conversation: Me: "My God! What is that ugly thing?" Oceanographer: "Oh, that's a Kalage.").

My wife took one look at the "Social" section and declared it the "Miseries of the World Section". It groups associations such as the "Association de Défense de Familles et Individus Victimes de sectes et dérives sectaires-Pays Basque (ADFI)" (no need to translate that!), as well as those dedicated to cancer, autism, and human rights. But then, this section swings wildly and encompasses "Les Amis de Milady Plage", the friends of the Milady beach, and "Femme Avenir Pays Basque" (I wonder what kind of future females they envision? I might pop by and see what they are up to.)

Of course there is a host of associations for sport and for the young. In sport you find the usual stuff: Tennis, Hockey, Swimming. But the "Jeunesse" or young, is an eclectic bunch with things like circus school and something called "Les Petits Débrouillards". My French-Engish dictionary says that "débrouillard" means "resourceful", "smart", "nifty"; but, it also translates as "survivor". I guess this last describes the parents of the "small, resourceful, smart, and nifty" kids.

"Here is an interesting one," said my wife, "Biarritz Olympique- Cyclotourisme", they tour the countryside in bicycles.

"I like to do my "tourism" from the comfort of an air-conditioned car, thank you."

"What in the world is "Capoeira Raizes de Rua," she wondered.

"Well, "capoeira" is a form of dance-martial arts. Only the Brazilians are capable of combining those two things."

-She highlighted a few more associations she was going to go inquire about. Of course, her challenge was not going to be finding one that is interesting. Her challenge is getting me to join one.

"You know what this list tells me?" I asked.

"What?"

"That there are a lot of people with a lot of time to waste. Maybe we should start an association: "The Association for People With A Lot Of Time To Waste." I am sure most of the people in the other associations would join.