The Eight O'Clock Snooze...er, News

The two most important national channels in this country, France 1 and France 2 (pronounced, Franz Uhn! and Franz Duh!) present their institutional newscast at eight o'clock in the evening.

The French say that this is the "national mass", since the country practically comes to a standstill for half an hour every day while people sit mesmerized by this entertainment that passes for national and international news.

These daily dozes of homages to the ruling president and coverage of the strike "du jour" by the CGT and other labor organizations (strikes are the national sport in France, far more popular than even football), as well as other non-news (where the French are vacationing this year, or what the public is saying about the movies being shown in Paris), is more like a baby's pacifier and, given the very light coverage of international events, a gentle reminder to the French that there is indeed a world beyond the borders of France.

While the people of the Americas love to make a spectacle of ritual (witness wrestling and those preachers that put on a show worthy of Broadway), the French, on the other hand, love to make a ritual of spectacles (such as a talk show of Sunday evenings hosted by Michel Drucker that has been going on for ages). Hence that France is the only country where the stars of rock concerts can qualify for geriatric treatment and discounts at museums and transportation facilities.

But, getting back to the news shows, the content of these nightly blurs is as predictable and bland as the taste of the "Beaujolais Nouveau" wine that is foisted on us every November. (More on that marketing scam in another posting about wine.) You can count on the following segments in every news show:

- Something about schools: the anxiety and shenanigans that accompany the kids taking their "bac" exams (the test kids have to pass if they want to get into a university).

- Of course, the strike or riot caused by teachers, medical staff, railroad workers, farmers (especially good because they dump produce in the streets), and just about any other organized group of people in France.

- The latest missing ____ (child, person, young girl, dog, minister who is suspected of corruption) you fill in the blank.

- The latest uplift to already high French pride as provided by______ (a man who rowed across the Atlantic, a man who swum the Pacific, a bicycle rider who came in tenth but with much glory and pride in the Tour de France, an invention by a Frenchman that is only news to the French because a similar thing-a-majig has been in the market in the Americas for a decade).

- The last concert of an aging rock star or film of a petrified movie star (usually someone over 80 who has to be carried onto the news cast set but is much loved by the over-60 crow, which is three quarters of the French population).

- Then there is a brief (30 second) update of the international news.

Compared to the way content is presented in any other news organization's program, i.e. BBC, CNN, France 24, Aljazeera, and even the lowly Mexican local news channels, in France 1 and 2, content is presented in reverse order; that is, if a nuclear war has broken out between, say Pakistan and India, and both capital cities have been burned to a crisp along with their millions of inhabitants, that item would be presented at the END of the show--so no one's dinner is spoiled. Rather, we would first hear that some school canteens (as school cafeterias are known here) are including too much sugar and not enough fiber in kids' lunches. We would get 10 or 15 minutes of parents ranting that it is a scandal that kids are not given wine with their meals and stinky chees at the end of the same.

During these newscasts, my wife and I hold conversations similar to the following:

Me: My God, did you hear that the financial ruin of this country is imminent and the President is whistling while he doesn't work, and...

My wife: I think it is a scandal that kids have to drink milk and water with their meals. When I was in boarding school, we got wine with every meal.

Me: That's because water back then was so bad if you had been given it, you would have died, but getting back to the assassination of the Prime Minister, I think...

My wife: And those poor teachers! They want them to work 20 hours a week! That is slavery in disguise. (Note: In France, kids go to school only 4 days a week and teachers only work 18 hours a week, and there are holidays practically every moth of the year.)

Me: Yes, that's all good and well, but the deficit is going to ruin us all if there are no cuts to government spending, and ....

My wife: Ah, and did you see the pictures of that poor woman who lost her dog? It breaks my heart.

At this point I give up and say that it is indeed too bad that that woman lost her dog.

It is no wonder that the French are kept in the dark about anything that might rock the boat (wow, that is two metaphors in one sentence). The directors of the television channels serve at the pleasure (and believe me, that is the right word) of the President of France. So, there will be little attention paid to stuff that might embarrass the government or unsettle the population as they have their evening meal.

Long, long ago, a tax was instituted that would make the official television channels independent. So, when you buy a TV set, information is gathered so you can be billed a "television tax" yearly. The idea was that with said tax television would not be subject to the tyranny of the business world since it would not need the money earned from showing commercials. Of course, the proverbial flash in the pan had a longer life than that idea. Not that the tax was canceled, OH, NO! The tax was kept AND the official channels do show commercials.

So, the newscast, like everything else on the official channels, is caught between a president and business pressures. Hence, content that is divided between bland news and commercials for films, shows, music---all disguised as news.

The end product? 30 seconds of real news sandwiched between school follies and Johnny Hallyday having a heart attack after performing gyrations during a concert.

Sigh! Oh, well, there is always the "Canard Enchainé".

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